what you see is what i chose to show

i'm tired being judged. people will never get enough. will never get enough of talking and gossiping about others.


once you did something wrong, people will never forget. and even if someone has changed, people will still tend to think and bad mouthing.


im selfish. im arrogant. i never think about others. i cant speak nicely to people. i curse a lot. thats all you people can say when my name popped on your mind. even when i said i dont curse as much as i did before, you will still say she's just acting nice. i know her very well.


its funny though. its really funny when someone said that i know Thoyy very well. cus i've been alive for 19 years and my mom always said that, i'm the most impalpable child.


the fact is, im so secretive. whatever things that i tell the world (in example, things that i write in this blog) is actually 10% of my life or even less. whatever i posted on facebook, on twitter, thats not 100% me.


my pass has taught me a lot. dont bother to tell people your problems or whatever to others. cus when you're used to it, and that particular person left. your life will be hanging. you know why? cus you made yourself think that person knows you more than you know yourself.


i dont mind if people wont believe me on this. but seriously. im not the old Thoyy. The old one, is dead. the one who's writing this post is the one who will forever stand on her feet. i dont really care about others as much as i've done.


signing in to blogger is my everyday's routine. so do writing new entries. i write a lot. but there's only few entries that i chose to show to the public. a lot of entries are waiting on the draft but i my self dont even know when should it be published so people in this world know what are the things that have been lingering on my mind, what are the things that i have been through.


whenever i write something, i will always ask my self, will i look pathetic if i publish this post? and i wouldnt get any answer for that. hence, keeping them on the draft is the easiest thing to do.


please take not that, the one who is entitled to know who's the real me, is actually ME. im the only person. no one else.


my silence, my laugh doesnt mean i like what are you doing. my silence, my tears doesnt mean i dont like whats going on. as for now, hiding my feelings from others is what im good at.