you dont wanna read this

i hate the feeling where i feel like crying out of the blue. things are getting complicated day by day. everything is hard. and nothing has ever been easy. sometimes i even wonder, am i strong enough to face those things?


i always ask my self, what have i became? where's the old me? i wasnt like this before. i used to took almost everything seriously unlike today where i always say, "takpelah, later and blah blah" i actually running away from my problems. i never tried to solve them.


then there will be the part where i couldnt stand it anymore and all i wanna do is crying, shouting out loud my feelings so somebody would at least know what am i going through.


i know people will say im pathetic but just so you you know, whenever i cry, im gonna cry for hours. until my head feels dizzy, eyes get swollen and i couldnt stand straight. then im gonna eat panadols in order to bring my self to bed. i just wish that i could pause everything for a while. then figure out which part did i actually do wrong.


you see how irrational i can be whenever im at this phase?


i know i've complained a lot. as much as you people are annoyed reading and listening to those things, i feel annoyed too. i feel annoyed of my self. its like ive became someone whom ive promised not to be. mana pergi thoyy yang outspoken? yang takkan bagi diri dia diperkotak katikkan?