what a day

today is probably the worst day in my life. i'm going back to that shitty place tomorrow at 11.3o pm and i'm having a fight with my entire family. i'm such an anak derhaka. i know that but i just couldn't stop my self from being that. i've tried to be a good girl, a good daughter for abah and ibu, a good sister for my siblings but it really don't work. i never succeed in being such a good person.

everybody hates me. i know that. why can't i be a good girl? why? why? i've think to commit suicide. i ate loads of pills. i know i'm bad. i just don't belong to this world, to this perfect family :(

ibu, i seek for your forgiveness for all the bad words that has came out from my mouth. they didn't come from my heart. i know those words hurt you very much. i'm so sorry. you know me very well kan? you know how i'd react when things didn't go just like what i wanted to.

this girl, who is writing this stupid post with tears has a huge ego. this girl should die. this girl belongs to nobody. this girl belongs to hell for being such a troublesome! so thoyy, what are you waiting for?