A Puan

The moment this post is updated, I might have changed my status already. To a puan. Seriously, tak percaya yang I will be married at the age of 24. Something yang I tak pernah imagine walau sekali. I've always wanted to get married when I'm 27. Haha but jodoh, ajal dan maut tu semuanya rahsia Allah. I bercinta bagai nak rak pun, akhirnya jodoh I bukan someone yang I bercinta bagai nak rak tu. Jodoh I is someone I baru je kenal. Kuasa Allah. 

This post surely gonna be a really long post. Sebab I rasa lepas ni I won't be writing much anymore. I love blogging so much. I love writing my feelings and opinions here. It's like a personal space of mine. But of course, I only publish few posts. And my old posts? Takde satu pun I delete. Sebab I seronok bila the "matured" me read back all the things I posted here. Of course, rasa "kenapa la kau bodoh sangat Thoyy" tu ada. Tapi, whats life without mistakes and all. Kan? Now that I'm someone's wife. Of course I akan cerita semua2 dekat suami I je. Tak perlu lah lagi I type2 luahan perasaan I depan ipad sambil lap air mata. Leulz. Isn't it weird to say the word "suami" now? 

To be honest, my preparations sangat2 banyak. Yelah sebab mostly buat sendiri by my siblings and my mom. Letih, tak cukup tidur semua dah rasa dah. Sedih? Entah lah. Kena ke eh rasa sedih? I always tell my self that macam mana sedih pun I, I'll never show it to my mom. Sebab being a mom, kalau anak dia sedih, dia lagi sedih 100 kali ganda kottt. Yelah, dia lahirkan kita kan. Tahu macam mana I pujuk hati I? I keep on telling my self that Allah never sleeps. Like never ever sleeps. Percayalah, Allah nampak segala kejahatan, kebaikan setiap makhluk dia. Allah janji setiap perbuatan kita walau sebesar zarah sekalipun, Dia akan hisab. So.... Biarlah. Allah nampak semua2nya. Allah yang akan balas semuanya nanti.

Kalau orang tanya, how much did you spend for your wedding? I cuma senyum je kot. Some people might have their dream weddings. Tapi I? I takde pun. What my mom wants. Itulah yang I dengar. Except for the part pasal baju, emcee, pelamin, hantaran, hand bouquet and my makeup lah. Yang tu je I asked her to let me choose. Eh macam semua je I yang pilih? -_-" tapi kalau ikut baju dia punya taste. Hmmm kahwin ala2 tahun 90an pulekzzzz. Dari buat kad kahwin, baju nikah, doorgifts semua I bagi dia decide. I bawa dia ikut pergi pilih. Sebab tu la kad kahwin I classic, tak macam kad kahwin yang tengah trend bunga2 tu. Hehe. At first I stress sangat sebab semuanya ikut cakap ibu.. But then bila dah self reflect, I rasa macam takpelah. As long as she's happy. No one has an idea how much have she sacrificed for me and my siblings. Tooo much. And I tahu, kalaupun one day I'll be as rich as Dato Vida, I can never repay all the things she has done for us four. 

Apa lagi eh nak tulis... Idea pls idea.... 

Kepada para pembaca yang rasa macam Allah's testing me yada yada semua. Awak2 semua percayalah, Allah janji dia takkan uji awak semua more than apa yang awak boleh diuji. La tahzan inallaha ma'ana. Don't be sad; Indeed, Allah is with us. Whenever you're feeling down, pray. Doa lah. Allah maha mendengar. Everyone is a sinner. Kita bukan Nabi yang maksum. Jangan sesekali rasa kita banyak dosa Allah takkan dengar and makbulkan doa kita. Tu semua syaitan je yang nak suruh kita jauhkan diri lagi jauh dari the Almighty. I pun bukan baik sangat. I tak pernah delete gambar zaman dulu2 I dekat instagram. Some of you might know what kind of person I was, I supposed. Tapi itulah, hidayah Allah datang macam2 cara dan tak kira masa, tak kira siapa. Bila dia nak bagi, dia bagi lah. Kalau lah I tak pernah doa supaya Allah bukakan hati I untuk jadi hamba dia yang lebih baik, mungkin I masih yang dulu lagi. See? The power of doa. 

So, apa cabaran bertunang? Dulu ramai orang nasihat jangan tunang lama2. Yelah, I tunang bulan 1, nikah bulan September. Lama juga 8 bulan bertunang. Orang lain mungkin tunang 2-3 bulan je. Ramai cakap nanti bertunang lama2 nanti putus, banyak ujian, nampak yang lagi baik, lagi kaya, lagi segala-galanya. I diam je. I've always hated some malays' mentality. Orang melayu suka "menjahatkan" Allah. Tunang lama2 nanti putus, banyak cabaran. Kalau putus tunang, maknanya sebab dah takde jodoh la. Allah sayang kita, Allah putuskan tali pertunangan tu instead of the marriage. Banyak cabaran? Cabaran tu kan tandanya Allah sayangkan kita. Pastu ramai betul suka marah2 golongan muda nak family planning. Marah2 orang nak merancang nanti Allah tak bagi terus anak. Readers, kalau la awak dah kahwin bertahun-tahun tapi Allah belum rezekikan awak dengan anak, jangan dengar cakap mak cik - mak cik yang cakap tu balasan awak dulu merancang yada yada. Allah tak jahat la nak "denda" awak macam tu. Mesti ada hikmah di sebalik setiap satu benda yang terjadi dalam hidup kita. He knows best, BUKAN mak cik-mak cik mulut jahat tu. So chin up. Tengok I dah menyimpang jauh dah cerita I. It was supposed to be about my cabaran bertunang. Hahah.

Alhamdulillah, sepanjang bertunang, I tak nampak pun nak settle down dgn orang lain instead of tunang I sendiri. Orang cakap, tunang orang la syok nak test. Eh? Challenging and kalau dapat rampas tu kira you macam power? ;) tapi, entahlah. I tak rasa macam tu. Aiidir? Dia cakap dia lagi takde masa nak jumpa perempuan lain atau mengorat orang lain sebab dia busy kerja. I sorang pun dia tak boleh nak focus. Nikan pulak dia nak flirt around. Tu dia cakap laaa. Kalau dia tipu I, tak tahu lah. Wakakakak. Tapi harapnya tak lah. In term of challenge tu, Allah uji bahagian lain. I rasa tak perlu kot nak list down semua kat sini. Haha, tapi sikit2 je lah. One of it is lagi sebulan kitorang punya majlis, his mom was diagnosed with cancer. Dua minggu sebelum majlis his mom operate to remove her breast. Berulang alik pergi hospital jaga his mom. Perasaan masa we found out tu, tak tahu nak explain macam mana. I tengok muka Aiidir, Aiidir tengok muka I. Kitorang diam and didnt say a word to each other. Then I asked, "should we postpone our wedding?" He confidently said no. So now berjaya dah jadi Puan. 

Being married is a wonderful thing. I don't know what the future holds me, sampai bila jodoh ni bertahan and what not. But I do pray everyday that I get to spend the rest of my life with my husband. Being married to someone who accept me for who am I, who accepeted my past, who is very understanding and never fail to motivate me... I couldn't ask for more. Orang tua otak jumud kalau baca my post ni mesti cakap, biasa lah baru2 kahwin kentut pun wangi lagi. Biarlah. Semua orang pun akan go through the same phase. Awak tak payah la nak anti climax.