Everything happens by the will of Allah. Whatever He wills happens, and whatever he does not will does not happen.
2015 was the most challenging year for me. I've lost count on how much I've cried, prayed to Allah to give me a better life or at lease, ease my burden. I seriously couldn't remember how many times I've cried begging Him for that.
But one thing that I remember the most was praying to him at 4 in the morning when I cried because of a guy who broke my heart into pieces. 4 in the morning when I have to work the next day. Haha. It was just a normal boring day of mine, till something happened and that incident occurred. Endless arguments, crying like a mad woman. Then I look at the clock on the wall. It was 4 am and I told my self, "there are people who are awake right now, but they're not crying for a guy. They're crying on the prayer mat asking for His forgiveness, and telling Him every single thing that they wanna share"
So I head out to the toilet and took my wudhu'. I prayed, and in my last sujood, I cried my self till my nose got blocked, my prayer mat and telekung went all wet. Even my mom got woken up by the noise that I made. Haha. Then I prayed to him to remove all the feelings for that wrong person. Don't ever leave any feelings in my heart. Not even 1% cus I couldn't bear the heartache anymore. I prayed to him to never let me have feelings to any guys who's not going to be in my future. To protect my self from wasting my time. I was hurt that bad. So so bad even if people ask me about what happened on that night, today or 10 years from now, I could shed my tears sharing about it. But no worries. Not gonna simply share about it. Haha.
It was a long prayer and I feel so relieved after that. Cus I've shared with Him about every single thing that I couldn't share with others as I was afraid of being judged. And also it was a bit private. The feelings were amazing. The next day when I woke up, I felt a lot calmer. My heart was empty. No more heartache, sadness. Nothing. I felt like it was a new me even though I was crying the whole night *awkward* and so I continued living my life like usual then I met this one special guy.
The guy whom I believe, is the one who's going to be in my future, to guide me, to protect me, to love me, to be with me through the ups and downs, to spend the rest of my life with.
I'm not good with words or being all sweet like others. But in case you're reading this, my love, please remember that I'm so grateful that we met. I'm so grateful that you've seen me in my worst and still want to stay. Not long till we get to wish each other good night instead of goodbye. <3 Not long till I get to be bobok-ed by you when I can't sleep like today. Cus if you don't, I prolly will be writing another post of how we met each other on my blog :P
No comments:
Post a Comment